Checklist of Hipsterdom or Ethnography of a Hipster

Little 'sis Mame, & Babs hit the town last weekend, doing our patriotic duty-- we dropped major coin in honor of our brave men & women who serve/d our country in uniform.  While on the prowl for a few good men in (or out of) uniform, all we met were "hipsters." 

Considering ourselves "nerdy cool," like Flo in the Progressive ads-- always on, in a sort of cracked & weird way, we couldn't help but notice this new & identifiable sub genre of coolness, the aforementioned "hipsters."

While well into our respective buckets of Delirium Tremens we devised for you, dear reader,  the following helpful checklist to help you identify a hipster.
Do you:

• Smoke cloves, tobacco, weed/all of the above? (extra points if in public)
• Wear skinny jeans/trou?
• Wear super nerdy glasses?
• Sport at least one non-tribal tattoo?
• Forego the razor? (both sexes)
• Drink or brew "craft" beer?
• Work at a bookstore/coffee shop/record store/wait table at a hipster restaurant?
• Buy only vinyl?
• Speak in upseak so as not to offend? 

Are you:

• Cute like Jesus, or hot like Trent Reznor?
• Cute/angry/nutty like Alanis Morrissette or Winona Ryder back in the day?
• Pierced?
• Skinny?
• A vegan, locavore, or paleo man/woman?

Extra Bonus points if you: 

• You are, or have been enrolled in an art history/philosophy/religious studies/geology program.
• Do not own a car.
• Do not own a TV.
• Have a trust fund.
• Are bi-sexual.
• Know that a pitchfork is not just used to bale hay or a snazzy devilish accessory.
• Buy your clothes at a thrift store.
• Have more than one pair of Birkenstocks.

As it says in Mark 14:7 "the hip will always be amongst you" (Mame corrected me "the poor will always be amongst you").  Same thing, Mame dear, anywho, we hope this checklist will help you identify and deal w/hipsters in your own environment.

We leave you with the following question ... "is being a hipster a naturally occurring phenomenon? Or merely a well thought out pose?"
xoxo
--Babs & Mame

Complete Manual of Things that Might Kill You

Or, "How to mind fuck a hypochondriac."  Perfect to give or receive prior to a long holiday weekend...

With over 300 deadly diseases profiled, conveniently organized by symptom (real or imagined), even the mildest hypochondriac’s fantasy life will be ignited. Includes fascinating spotlights on terrifying medical phenomena

Did you know that hiccups may be a sign that you have the EBOLA VIRUS? (no known cure, 90% fatality rate) Salivating a lot? You might have RABIES. Toes discolored? GANGRENE. Dropping things? Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. (don't ask) This amazing volume helps you find the worst possible diagnosis for whatever is bothering you! For instance, let's say you're having vision problems. Well, it might be that you're just tired or hungover. But if you consult this book, you'll be thrilled to discover you might have LOIASIS (worms that wiggle through your body and set up shop in your cornea)

If you're a hypochondriac, you can't possibly live without this book. (Come to think of it, you can't live WITH it, either.)  If you live or work with a hypochondriac, it's great fun to watch them totally lose their mind, as this book is chock full of disgusting graphics, charts, and descriptions.

 --Smoke em if you got em xoxo Babs

"Yacht Rock" Redux - New Music Tuesday

From among the flotsam and jetsom of "pop music,"  Babs has selected the following for this week's "Yacht Rock" new music pick. My criteria is as follows:

1.  Does it channel "Yacht Rock?"  Specifically do you hear Michael McDonald iconically singing background vocals?
2.  Can you "ride like the wind" on land, air, and sea while grooving to this music?
2.  Would you look really cool if riding a vespa smoking a cigarette with this music playing in the background?
3.  Would Sonny Crockett have this on his playlist? 
   

--Babs

Post Rapture Hangover

Well, here we all are...no "Rapture," no looting, no wilding in the streets, no bacchanal, no wanton promiscuous behavior....wait, what I can remember of yesterday included all the above.  And I think I suffered a rupture at the rapture party. 

Personally, I feel like hell today.  So maybe it really did happen?  I'll wait for cognitive re-entry to try to piece it all together.

Yours in sin and repentance...
---Babs

Save the Date 5/21/2011

Just a reminder, Jesus is coming tomorrow for the "Rapture."  This is how it's gonna work, all the "holy holies" will be sucked up into heaven, and the rest of us sinners will be left here on earth.  How fun is this gonna be?

Post-rapture looting has been scheduled from noon-3:00p in your respective time zones.  My friend Sally from Tally and I have scheduled our post-rapture looting itinerary as follows:
1.  Sephora
2.  Perfume counter at Nordstrom's
3.  Shoe department at Nordstrom's
4.  Ikea
5.  Total Wine
6.  Lowry Park Zoo, cuz I've always wanted a pony. 

And last but not least, on my looting "wish list..."  To his hotness, Mr. Parker Stone, I am praying fervently to our Lord and Savior that your wife is one of the "elect" and gets sucked up into the heavenly vortex, as I've been coveting you for years.

Food for thought...

Will your bloodline survive? 

Blogger Black Out

It happened on Friday the 13th.  For nearly 24 hours Google Blogger was down.  Initially I thought it was an Al Quadea plot. 

It was a stressful time.  I'd like to share some of my techniques for coping with Interweb outtages: 

1)  Simma down now...

2)  Try to concentrate on your real-world paying job and real live people, and actual conversations with real live people.  This may result in a type of sensory overload. 

3)  Keep channelling your inner Scarlett...



4)  Whine/wine



5)  Live better chemically

   





6)  "Whatever gets you through the night."

7) Rember, as the "Good Book" says, "let it go, this too shall pass:"  Note:  See, Mom and Dad I did learn a few things thanks to 12 torturous years at Catholic School:








"Project Fortnight" failed fabulously.

I don't know if I'm using this word correctly.  Anywho a fortnight ago, after a big snortful of Skyping with cousin Bill in the UK, I decided to "ponce up" my vocab a bit and go all UK giggy with the colonists.  Specifically I was gonna try to use the word "fortnight" in every day American dialogue.   

Guess what?  Totally lost in translation, un-doable, if not untenable in the U.S.  First off, I cracked myself up every time I tried to use it.  At the reference desk I'd say to a patron "if you request that article via inter library loan you'll get it within a fortnight" and immediately start laughing so hard, so as to put my head on the desk. 

If a friend would say "hey you wanna go out for a drink?" 
"Can't tonight, but let's pencil it in within the fortnight." 
"WTF a fortnight?"
"Yea, we get paid in a fortnight or upon a fortnight." 
"Hey Jane Austen you need to get outta your 'fortnight' more often, you're losing it, bitch."

Now I have had much more success with "Project Meat Raffle."  Nobody knows what the hell it means.  Just try peppering your daily dialogue w/a random allusion to a "meat raffle."  Trust me Americans dig it.    

Seven things you DO need....

Overnight my readers sent me the following uplifting articles:

1.  http://money.msn.com/saving-money/7-things-you-do-not-need-anymore-weston.aspx
In addition to the above stated technological artifacts...another useless artifact would be that ridiculous sheepskin hanging on your wall, earned at the cost of blood, sweat, and tears (not to mention a marriage or two) from Wayne State University, Detroit, Michigan
2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/07/detroit-illiteracy-nearly-half-education_n_858307.html

Seven things you DO Need:
1.  Real living breathing friends.
2.  Real books not dependant on batteries, nor read on a screen.  Particularly helpful when you have no real friends, or to lend to your friends when you have some. 
3. Rock 'N Roll.
4. A big vocabulary replete with big words, that you can spell correctly to befuddle mere mortals. 
5. Cash stash.
6. A car.
7. A Good Mom.

What is a good mom?  Mine was.  She wasn't perfect, in fact all I wanted was a cool mom, which she wasn't... my mom was a tea-totalling, god-fearing quintessential pathetic creature... a 50's housewife:

My mom's typical day.

But my Mom gave me major "mojo."  Despite our obvious differences-- from birth, my Mom could not believe I was her progeny, nor I hers.  That said, she made me and my siblings think we were the best looking, smartest, funniest, most special people on the face of the earth.  Some may coin this "mojo" cockiness, if not hubris, so be it...but folks, that vainglory and optimism has gotten me through the massive shit life hands us all in due time, i.e. death, divorce, poverty, sickness, abandonment, etc... with courage and style.

Babs...drunk by six. 

Oh and best of all my mom taught me how to dress and decorate like a million bucks, and think no man/woman my better, when in reality I usually have only a five spot in my bank account.

Miss you today Mom.

Love,
Babs

Soundtrack of your life



Questioning some of the crunchy bits found in my fish taco.

Folks, really?  the Taco Bus?  Can we rethink this venue?  Does wicked things to the immune system.  Company and conversation always stellar, just couldn't get past the hanging fly paper.

So the conversation veered to soundtracks of one's life.  Mine gotta be "Rumors" by Fleetwood Mac.  Revisited a couple a five videos from emotional reunion of the Mac back in '97. 

If looks could kill...
Stevie:  "Fuck you Linsdsey."


Lindsey:  "Back atcha Stevie." 


What's the soundtrack of your life?

This bitch is out-bitching me...

Click below to read the innermost thoughts of Princess Kate....

http://singlegirlblogging.com/2011/05/04/the-innermost-thoughts-of-princess-kate/

Taco Bus #1 Tampa

Bring your own bottle(s)!!

When: 5/6/11.  5p-??.  Joint's open 24 hours.

Where: Taco Bus http://tampatacobus.com/

Why:    To bid a fond farewell to a good man and his lady.

Informative Links:  http://www.zingotampa.com/